The Tamesis
This is a very common phenomenon, but I always feel a little crazy when it happens to me: I go to sleep feeling really good about the end of my last relationship, and then wake up feeling confused and a little sad because I spent the whole night dreaming about my ex.
Luckily, research shows I’m not alone. Dream expert Dr. Deirdre Barrett says it’s completely normal for people you care about to make cameos in your dreams. Barrett is a lecturer in psychology at Harvard University, past president of the International Association for the Study of Dreams, and the author of the 2010 book sleep committee, The book explores how famous creatives in art, music, film, science, literature, and other fields used revelations in dreams to guide their work.
“Triggers can include death anniversaries, breakups or divorce decrees,” Barrett told reporters. new york times 2022. “But dreams can also be a reaction to how we feel about our current relationship.” In other words, dreaming about your ex doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re missing them on some preconscious level or longing to rekindle your relationship; it could just mean that you’re grappling with recent emotions that have arisen following a breakup.
Below, you’ll find all the information you need to know about why we dream about our exes and what to do about them.
Why do we dream?
Good luck getting dream researchers to agree, says Dr. Barrett. “Some of the more neurological types would say that we have REM sleep, which is where most dreams occur, and it’s necessary biochemical things that the body needs to do, like replenish certain neurotransmitters that are depleted upon waking, consolidate memories and reset temperature regulation,” she said. “Physiologists like to say that dreams serve no function, they are a side effect of the physical activities our bodies need to do during this time.”
But dreams also help us imagine and feel emotions more vividly than most people do when we are awake, and they help us think outside the box and inhibit areas of logic. For these reasons, we are better able to solve problems in our dreams than when we are awake. “Dreams are about all of our hopes and fears,” Dr. Barrett said. “Almost anything we’ve ever thought about appears in dream content. They’re about trying to solve problems we face in real life.”
Is dreaming about your ex normal or common?
Most people dream about their ex to some extent. “Dreaming about your ex means they were an important person in your past,” says Dr. Barrett. She points out that people with whom you spent a lot of time at any period in your life and who are important to you can appear in your dreams, including, of course, your ex, as well as parents and other family members or close friends. “Even if they’ve died or moved away, or you’ve long lost touch with them, anyone you interact with regularly will still be an important figure in your subconscious for the rest of your life.”
Common dreams about exes and possible interpretations
Each person’s dream about their ex may have a meaning that is entirely specific to them, including how they feel about their ex and their current life situation. Keep in mind that the meaning can vary greatly from person to person, for example, a dog may mean security and loyalty to one person and fear and anxiety to another. “The problem with most dream elements is that What does this mean to the dreamer? ” says Dr. Barrett. She also warns that these dreams may be less about that specific person and more about a current problem a person may be experiencing.
