The Tamesis
I thought about this question a lot when my partner and I were looking for a place to rent a few years ago. One of the apartments we had our eye on was beautiful. It’s spacious – and unusual – with smooth wooden floors that make you feel like you’re in a ballet studio. There are two bathrooms, one at each end, and each bedroom has a ceiling-to-floor mirror. It was totally within budget and a perfect location. However, when we left, we all agreed to leave it. “There will be a lot of interest,” one of us said. ‘What’s the point?’ We thought this apartment would be too good for us. We don’t want to be rejected.
While this choice is hardly life-changing, I often think of it as an allegory for my broader relationship with rejection. Not sounding like the kind of person who would give a TED talk or appear on a business podcast, but how many other opportunities could have passed me by because I was too afraid of that two-letter word, No? How many times have I narrowed down the opportunities in front of me because I didn’t feel like I was good enough to consider them? What’s so scary about this threaten Anyway, reject? It’s a simple “no”—not beheading. Of course, sometimes, that’s for sure.
It was during the dead period between Christmas and New Years that I began to be indoctrinated endlessly on TikTok about “seeking rejection.” Why would anyone do this? I thought, unconsciously rolling, that the mouth might be open. Will definitely make you feel bad. But I did find myself becoming more and more interested. The woman, Gabriella, tried no 1,000 times over the course of the year. Amidst the many rejections, there were quite a few surprising moments when she got yes. She had tried to refuse the national beauty title, “but they accepted me. So now I am the holder of the national beauty title.” She had tried to apply for a Dutch passport, but was refused, “but they accepted me, so now I am a Dutch citizen.” “Let this be your mark,” she concluded. “Chasing rejection.”
Others quickly followed suit. “By 2026, I will have tried and been rejected 1,000 times,” said a woman named Henrietta. “I’m so afraid of failure and so afraid of rejection that I’m afraid to show up for myself a lot of the time.” Another poster, Leila, also sought rejection when she asked a random stranger if he wanted to share a dessert with her. The stranger agreed, and the two tore up some Nutella cookies together. The cynical among us (me) might think this all sounds a bit “influencer self-help,” a bit “late-stage capitalism.” But I do think there are lessons to be learned from sewage. That is: the more you ask, the more you actually experience. This is basic math.
Seeking rejection or rejection therapy is not a new concept—although it has found new popularity. Author Jia Jiang has built his entire career around this idea, including his 2015 bestseller Rejection Proof: How I Conquered My Fear and Became Invincible in 100 Days of Rejection TED talk “What I learned from 100 days of rejection” has been viewed over 6.5 million times. A big part of me doesn’t want to gamify my life in pursuit of success—not every choice needs to be about “maximizing my gains.” But again, I think you can accept an idea without fully believing in it. Like, maybe I don’t need to look for Millions of rejections And completely demeaning yourself in the process, but putting yourself out there more for things can only be a good thing. What’s the worst that could happen? Have you heard of it?
