The Tamesis
when Fashion The first time I was asked to write down everything I’ve learned about dating in 2025, I must admit I hesitated. Entering the dating scene after a 13-year relationship is like Sigourney Weaver in “The Movie” alien Franchise: I woke up from a hypersleep, the ship was haunted and possibly cursed, and I wasn’t sure if anyone on the crew was trustworthy or if they were secretly harboring parasites in their chests.
Anyway, I jumped into the fray like a last-ditch single person sometime in the early Neolithic – and I found there was a lot to learn. More broadly, there seems to be a general consensus that modern dating is irrevocably wrong. Call it idiosyncratic fatalism or idiosyncratic pessimism, chalk it up to dating app fatigue or late-stage capitalism, or just blame the men, but no one seems happy right now. Maybe it was just the gloomy weather. Or maybe it’s the severe lack of Christmas romantic comedies (Step up your game, Netflix). Regardless, I persevered. Here are my key takeaways from the past year.
Dating is satisfying now
Dating used to be a somewhat solitary activity that took place between two people, and only the very brave or polyamorous would do it in a group situation. Nowadays, dating is impossible to separate from the experience of consuming it as a form of content, whether through Instagram’s gallery of London’s top date spots or (god forbid) the endless supply of relationship advice on TikTok. Dating, as a concept, is now subject to multiple rounds of discussion, all wrapped up and sealed in a kiss outside the Sposto Arms (once described by me as “the closest thing to a Hackney darkroom”).
Previously, I was puzzled by the explosion of dating content. Now that I’ve been a part of it, I actually think it’s actively harming us. After all, what kills desire faster than over-analysis? As Jemima Kirke once famously said, “I think you guys might be overthinking it.” God bless these content creators, but I personally don’t think you should learn dating tips from some fresh-faced, 27-year-old dating coach in Missouri. Give me the gray-haired wisdom and experience of people in their 50s and 60s; give me Esther Perel and Ona Guralnik; give me at least one person with a graduate certificate in relationship counseling. Just because they’re young and hot doesn’t mean you should sleep with them; on the contrary, you should sleep with them. The same thing goes for accepting their advice about relationships.
Problem is overrated
TikTok will also lead you to believe that a good date is about someone asking you questions and dutifully listening to your answers. As someone who does this work professionally (Read UK Fashion‘s December cover story! ), and I’m here to tell you, it’s a highly overrated dating activity.
Unless I want to hack into your bank account, I don’t want to know your zodiac sign, your mother’s occupation, and the name of your pet goldfish by the end of the date. I want to walk away from a conversation feeling like I was at a tennis match. You know that delightful exciting scene when harry met sally Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal walking in Central Park in the fall, bouncing against each other like two soda-drinked ping pong balls? This is called chemistry. Dates are not meant to be entered manually but are meant to test the natural, spontaneous connection between the two of you. If you have to resort to a TikTok dating coach’s list of questions to get the conversation going, they’re probably not for you. sorry!
Girls are not better than boys
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard straight girls recently musing, “It would be nice if I were gay…” Bad news, ladies: Queer women can be just as bad as straight men. As a bisexual, I was similarly relentlessly bullied and dismissed by girls, including a Hinge rival who messaged me on WhatsApp for two and a half weeks – mostly to bully me into a club night of my choice – and then told me to read on when I asked for a drink. If lesbians and straight women got together more often to compare notes on dating, perhaps the crisis of heterosexual fatalism would be solved. If you think a sex bombing man who already wants to introduce you to his parents is moving too fast, try U-haul Lesbian with a Zipcar membership.
They’re not bad people, they’re just not the right people for you
Most of us are poisoned by Protagonist Syndrome, especially when it comes to relationships. If you’re the protagonist in your own personal movie, it stands to reason that every bad date should feel like you’re battling the forces of evil (as exemplified by Jack, 34, who loves small plates and recently returned from a trip to Mexico).
