The Tamesis
I’ve tried many New Year’s resolutions in my adult life (quit weed! Do Pilates every week! Host more dinner parties! Clean the tub regularly!), but rarely, if ever, have I actually followed through on them under the cold, judgmental light of January 1st. Generally speaking, I don’t find an annual deadline to stop doing things I love or to stop doing things I love start Doing the things I’m afraid of – helping to actually change my behavior in a sustainable way.
I’ve found greater success with “mottos,” a concept introduced to me by my friend Eliza. Instead of pinpointing specific things I need to start or stop in the new year, I come up with a one- or two-word phrase to guide my overall vibe for the next 12 months. One year it was “gentle progress”; another it was “enjoying it”. But for 2026, I would take a more prescriptive and iron-clad approach: “No bail.”
I don’t really like admitting this to myself, but I am a level one protector. I try my best not to skip out on important emotional or practical commitments, like calling friends after they break up, or picking someone up from the hospital, but too often, I take the lower-stakes hangings, dinners, get-togethers, and coffee dates less seriously, following John Mulaney’s famous joke like some kind of creed: “In terms of instant relief, canceled plans are like heroin.” Well, Mulaney is famous for quitting actual Hard drugs, so I should (at least in theory) be able to stop skipping things I’ve already agreed to, right?
I didn’t leave because I didn’t want to see my friends, I tried to explain that to them, but not surprisingly it didn’t make them any less annoyed with me when I canceled lunch or rescheduled drinks. I desperately want to hang out with the people I love, especially now that I live alone in a studio apartment; my friends, family, and co-workers keep me calm, happy, and even somewhat normal, and I would be nothing without them. Unfortunately, I often suffer from the overwhelm caused by what my therapist only recently defined for me as ADHD; when I’m feeling good and on top of the world, I’ll proactively schedule plans that I can’t wait to complete, but once obligations increase and my secret introvert side takes over, I feel like all I can do is sit silently in front of the TV and (maybe) walk the dog.
