The Tamesis
There is a book club of my wildest dreams. There were about 12 of us, which is the perfect number if you want to create a festive atmosphere without losing intimacy. None of us dared to skip a reading, and none of us abandoned a meeting. We adored each other so much that after a great literary discussion we stayed and gossiped. Our society collapses as soon as we return home, like an insect that dies immediately after mating.
In real life, I’m a devoted member of five book clubs, which means I’ve been through four awkward breakups—and that’s not counting the book club invitations I initially ungracefully declined. Like many of life’s pleasures, book clubs can be dangerous for those of us with impulse control issues. They always sound so low-key and fun, a thoughtful woman’s slumber party!
Then your first meeting rolls around and you realize you have to read the entire book to justify your attendance. Sometimes, it’s not the book you want to choose, but you can do your chores while listening to an audiobook at 2.2x speed from this Pulitzer Prize-winning epic about the plight of a pig farmer. You’re only halfway there when you realize it’s a task you’ll never complete. Because there will be the next title and the next title after that.
Although I have to work hard to be an upstanding book club citizen, I am not always up to the struggle. I’m late. I’ve been heck I’ve dominated the conversation. I sat too close to the baked brie wheel. (My first book club was in Canada, where you can’t have a book club without a plate of baked brie.) I grilled an entire fish, only to be stood up en masse, which I resolved by sending a dramatic message about my resignation, effective immediately.
Book Club Five, my current group, deserves all those Goldilocks. One of the many reasons I love book clubs is that no one quits, or if they do, I have no idea. (Yes, I know this contradicts one of my rules below, but it works.) We connect through a huge WhatsApp group that serves as a nerve center for 50 or so like-minded women. (The numbers also mean the 15 or so people attending each session vary.) We talk about books, but we also communicate through media gossip, spare concert tickets, thoughts on laser skin resurfacing, you name it—our group chat is the richest text out there.
Here are some things to keep in mind when dreaming of your own club.
Book Club Rule No. 1: Only Provide Your Middle Name
The first rule of book clubs is that no one will agree to be credited in an article about her book club. Unless she can use her middle name.
Book Club Rule No. 2: Appoint a Book Club Editor-in-Chief
I’m all for democracy, but there’s still a place for arbiters of taste. If there is someone in your book club who would fit most of your options, task them with developing the syllabus. Reaching consensus might result in a title that no one is crazy about. “There’s no structure when it comes to choosing your next book,” says Anne (middle name), a Toronto academic who accepted an invitation from a friend who was going through a painful breakup. “It was her way of building a support group. We were tired at the end of each meeting, and the books we chose for the next meeting were random, but everyone wanted to go home. We ended up feeling obligated to read another novel about a Maine farmer and then talk about it for two hours.”
Book Club Rule Three: Don’t join a book club just because you think you have to
Being in these societies takes a lot of time. If you do it to “make a connection,” the other people in the room may not be impressed by this person who never reads. Try a running club or a mahjong class.
Book Club Rule Four: Don’t Ask People to Pay to Join Your Book Club
Just don’t. Don’t ask if this was inspired by recent events.
Book Club Rule No. 5: Your book club is only as enjoyable as its most annoying member
Adams, 52, works in luxury goods manufacturing and joins a book club at her alma mater. “I love it because it’s multi-generational,” she said. But there’s a bad guy, and when the team moved to Zoom during the pandemic, its presence became even more damaging. “She would never mute herself, she would cut everyone off, and she would rarely even read the book,” said Adams, who tried to interject to encourage interrupted members to speak. Finally, she told everyone that she would have an art class on Tuesday night. “The woman wrote to me asking if it was because of her. The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth.”
Book Club Rule No. 6: Be Honest to Yourself
When you start thinking about breaking up your book club, there’s probably a reason. The longer you wait, the more difficult things will become. Jane, a writer and former Book Scout living in Europe, had recently moved to the city when an acquaintance asked her if she would join her book club. “When I lived in New York, I was in a book club and the chat was really gossipy and fun,” she recalls. However, Jane’s New Club is less interesting and the book is boring. One night, Jane forgot about a book club meeting, went out, and posted photos on Instagram. Two people who showed up texted her, making no secret of the offense she had caused. “I felt shy, but I also felt bad because I had so legitimately forgotten, and it was so Freudian.” When Jane finally worked up the courage to break up with her group, another member beat her to it, and she found herself feeling even more trapped.
Book Club Rules No. 7: Exit clearly
Leaning in and hoping your book club will magically disappear can leave confusion and ongoing feelings of pain when you encounter a group member you don’t like. Feel free to copy and paste the text Jane’s friend sent to all members of her book club:
