75 Thoughts ‘America’s Next Top Model’ Contestant Sarah Hartshorne Had About That New Netflix Documentary

Sarah Hartshorne, comedian, ” Do you want to be at the top? A memoir about makeovers, manipulation, and not becoming America’s Next Top Modelwho competes as a “plus-size contestant” in issue 9, recently sat down with us at our request to watch the Netflix series, which features interviews with host Tyra Banks (duh), co-creator and producer Ken Mok, judges J. Alexander, Jay Manuel and Nigel Barker, as well as several former contestants.

Without further ado, here you can find all of Hartshorne’s thoughts on the first episode of the docuseries, from her excitement to see an old friend on screen to her anger at seeing the show’s history rewritten with optimism.

1. Oh my gosh, they started with the Tiffany clip. Let’s fucking go.
2. I’ve always doubted Tyra haveIn fact, she has yelled at a girl like this in her life, but I don’t think it was in front of the camera.
3. Wow, Whitney! I love her. She looks beautiful!
4. Victoria! Honey! She completely disappeared from the internet and I really liked her. I hope she’s a sea nymph frolicking on acid somewhere.
5. Dani looks fine.
6. Amber! ! ! Sorry, this will make a lot of me excited to meet my friends. But imagine if someone made a documentary about your high school and showed it to millions of people.
7. Shout out to Mr. Jay’s surgeon and beautician, damn.
8. Oh well, Tyra finally sat down. Great entrance shot. A lot of accumulation. Very dramatic.
9. She is so beautiful.
10. She looks like a sexy detective. Solve crime, but make it more intense!
11. They were showing an article I wrote and carefully edited my pictures, haha.
12. I always say, they put America’s Next Top Model On Hulu in 2020, I thought everyone was going to have this fun, nostalgic time, and then were shocked to find out that what we were seeing was what it really was.
13. First mention of Tyra living in Paris as a model! We used to joke on set that if we took a picture every time she mentioned it, we would die. To be fair, if I were modeling in Paris, I would never shut up about it. The closest I got was shooting a catalog in Switzerland and I rarely shut up That.
14. Gee, her voice was so different when she was younger.
15. This inspiring music when I first saw Ken Mok was…a choice.
16. “I came out of my mother’s belly wearing high heels.” Miss J is so representative.
17. Very ominous music that introduces Mr. Jay. Tea cup emoji.
18. Man, I wonder if the filmmakers appreciate that they have so much B-roll footage, working with a guy who’s been in front of the camera since he was 16 years old.
19. I just googled the filmmakers and their previous work was about murderers and pedophiles, so they were probably grateful to be working with Tyra for many reasons.
20. i totally forgot America’s Next Top Model The first is UPN. When I switched careers, it was The CW, and then when it switched to Oxygen, they had a huge party at Gotham Hall in New York City with pretty much all the contestants, judges, and B-list celebrities of the day. I was overwhelmed and had a mini panic in the bathroom and Joanna stepped over me and left (really no shade would have done the same thing). Jade is really sweet to me though.
21. Tyra said: “If top model I wasn’t picked up, what should I do? Where should I go? What will I be? Hmm…an internationally renowned supermodel?
22. That said, I do understand her excitement about someone wanting to make her idea a reality. For me, the hardest thing about modeling is being the least creative person on set. I watch photographers, makeup artists, and stylists realize their artistic vision, and then I…do what they tell me. I thought it would feel good to get that affirmation.
23. First time seeing Adrienne Curry. I wonder if they cover up the fact that she didn’t get the bonus. In many ways, they are responsible for her horrific TikTok life.
24. Watching all the footage of these girls leading up to the show brought back my millennium memories of the little video camera they sent to my dormitory to record myself getting the call that I was going to be on the show.
25. Shannon from cycle one is here. Okay, pink feather cuffs. Is she a super Christian?
26. Yes.
27. She was “saved” at the age of 10? Christianity is so weird.
28. Ebony in her first cycle said her skin suddenly broke out, but in fact, her skin did not continue to break out…
29. If Ken gets a positive edit out of this documentary, I’ll be pissed.
30. The subtitles describe the music in Giselle’s introduction as “angelic” and I love it. Fucking subtle.
31. Adrienne is so beautiful.
32. How many times has Tyra said “You’re still competing on America’s Next Top Model” over the years? Has anyone done statistics?
33. I did the math: 315 episodes, but let’s assume at least 23 of those are recap episodes since they recap every season… which brings the total to 292 episodes, not including any extra footage.
34. They wax girls? ! On my cycle we were shaving all day and they got free wax? !
35. Mr. Jay talks about darkness, and his filler actually casts shadows.
36. Wow, I love hearing J(ay) talk about their friendship. When I arrived, they had almost no interaction.
37. I’m bored. Maybe my attention span is too short for documentaries. Am I a fool? Or maybe I just don’t need instructions because I’m very familiar with how this particular sausage is made.
38. Is ebony gay? Boredom is gone. Interest was piqued. I hope they treat her well about it.
39. They are not.
40. She’s going to meet her girlfriend? ! Do they have to have visitors? ! We barely got a call!
41. Oh, I’m so excited about the Janice Dickinson thing because she’s not a judge of my cycle and people ask me about her all the time.
42. Oh, and Shannon and I started our eating disorders at the same age! twin!
43. I’m hungry. Lunch break time!
44. Tyra wasn’t even on the billboard in cycle one? That’s crazy.
45. I wonder who is pushing her to be more prominent everywhere (some would say crazy).
46. The first few cycles were really a completely different experience, both inside and outside of making the show.
47. Like, I at least know how the audience will receive it. They are just raw.
48. Tyra is not logged into the AOL chat room. This is truly so much early ’00s nostalgia that I’m won over.
49. David Bowie watched Ant Financial? !
50. Sorry, I know this is about sir. Jay and his friends had a great time, I hate to talk about me but…by round 9, what are the odds that he’s still watching? !
51. Did David Bowie see me on TV? !
52. Remember when Jimmy Kimmel was a huge asshole?
53. Tyra isn’t saying she wants to change the way the industry talks to women about their bodies, then says Gisele has a wide butt. The call came from inside the house.
54. I do feel very lucky because the worst things the judges said to me were said to my face.
55. They have so much money to hire “the world’s top stylists” but don’t know how to shave a woman’s head? ! I did a better job shaving my mom’s head! (It’s not cancer, she’s just a badass.)
56. How are they constantly confused about black women’s hair, even on the most basic level? !
57. “I remember, on the show, thinking to myself, ‘Oh my gosh, there’s so much I want to say, but I really have to stay quiet,'” Ebony said. “I felt it in my bones.” All the energy and silliness they allowed me to express when I was filming was something I couldn’t relate to. My entire nervous system knew that staying quiet was the only way to stay safe. Plus being a gay black woman on a brand new show and even after all the calm and silence they still call her angry and aggressive? I can’t imagine. She was much calmer about it than I was.
58. Wait, are they commenting on her, as mentioned, skin breakouts? ! wilderness.
59. Ask a girl, “Where’s the self-esteem?” after tearing her apart? This is the entertainment industry in a nutshell.
60. During the first round of interviews, Tyra was so sweet, young and proud. It’s tender, like watching a home movie of your family before you were born.
61. Janice is going to hate me. I feel good about it.
62. Weirdly enough, when I saw Ken most of the time he was screaming at someone, he had this “oh shit” vibe to him.
63. Wow, Sandy. She is so cute! I love her!
64. Wait, her boyfriend asked her to be on the show in the first place? ! oops.
65. Oh my God, she yelled, “I don’t want to work at Walgreens anymore!” I yelled, “I don’t want to work at the blueberry farm anymore!”
66. Wait, aren’t there pictures of Tyra at home in other seasons? Our Cycle 9 house is full of them.
67. I’m glad to see Mr. Jay confiding in Janice. It must feel better than drugs.
68. I don’t understand Nigel’s hype. He’s a great photographer, but why does everyone act like he’s the hottie on the legs? !
69. Hearing Moken say that girls from “very difficult family backgrounds” “come to the show to be recognized”, like he had no part in finding us and exploiting us, makes me want to be a complete straight man and run into a brick wall.
70. They brought a psychic on the show? !
71. This is worse than the dermatologists they bring in to teach us about body image.
72. Sorry, I’m not done with this yet. What do psychics have to do with fashion? This is crazy.
73. Cycle 2’s trip to Milan reminded me of Jay Manuel’s book, which is pretty crazy. I’m glad that not only can I buy and read it, but I can write it off on my taxes because it’s “research.”
74. Wait, Sandy was drunk when this happened? ! I have no idea. And the entire plot was carefully planned by the producer? ! Why am I not surprised?
75. A perfect suspenseful ending. No notes. I literally yelled at the screen. Damn, this TV series is so good