Book excerpt: "The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins

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Mel Robbins’ podcasts, TED Talks, and best-selling books (including The Five Second Rule) have made her one of the most successful motivational speakers.

In her latest bestseller, “Let them theorize” (Hay House), she discusses how personal growth is only possible when you stop investing your energy in things outside of your control—which includes changing other people.

Read the excerpt below, and Don’t miss Norah O’Donnell’s conversation with Mel Robbins on CBS Sunday Morning on February 1!

“Let Them Theorize” by Mel Robbins

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I’ve been studying the Let Them Theory for the past two years: why it works, and how to use it to change your life and improve your relationships with others.

In writing this book, I spoke with many of the world’s leading experts in psychology, neuroscience, behavioral science, relationships, stress, and happiness. As you read this book, you will meet them, and their research will help you apply the theory to countless situations in your life. As you’ll soon see, the science is clear: this stuff works. And the effect is very good.

But this book does more than just introduce you to “let them theory.” This is a basic law of human nature: All humans have an innate need for control.

We all have an innate desire to control everything in our lives: our time, our thoughts, our actions, our circumstances, our plans, our future, our decisions and our surroundings. A sense of control makes you feel comfortable and safe, so it’s natural for you to try to control everyone and everything around you – often, without even realizing it.

But the truth is, there is one thing you can never control. No matter how hard you try, you can never control or change another person. The only person you can control is you. Your thoughts, your actions, your feelings.

For too long, you have been violating this fundamental law of human nature. You’re constantly trying to change others, trying to control situations, and worrying about what people say, think, or do; in doing so, you bring unnecessary stress, tension, and friction to yourself and your relationships. I did the same.

Letting them theorize has changed my entire lifestyle and the way I relate to others. Instead of resisting the natural flow of human nature, I learned to embrace it. Instead of wasting energy on things I couldn’t control—what others say, think, and do—I put my energy into what I could control: myself.

The result? I am in better control of my life than ever before. It’s freeing. I stopped making other people the problem, and in doing so, my relationships improved in ways I never imagined. It was like opening a door that had been locked for years. And what’s behind it? I no longer have to manage other people’s lives.

In the next few pages, you’ll learn what this theory is all about, the easiest way to start using it, and how great it feels when you do it. You’ll also learn about a surprising discovery I made early in my research. Let them theorize more than just… let them. Yes, the story begins with those two words, but that’s not the whole story. Let them be just the first half of the equation. There is a second, more critical step to this theory: let me.

In the next chapter, we’ll unpack both let them and let me And explore the science and psychology behind these two steps. Then, you’ll learn about the eight core areas in which this theory will have the greatest positive impact on your life. We’ll talk about your relationships, careers, emotions, perspectives, stress, love life, struggles, long-term comparisons, friendships, and most importantly, your relationship with yourself.

Time and again, you’ll learn how you try to control the wrong things and unknowingly cause trouble for others. In fact, other people should be one of the greatest sources of joy, support, and love in your life. But they can’t become that person if you keep trying to control what they feel, say, and do. The book ends here.

Master the “Let Them” theory and you’ll never burn yourself out trying to control the uncontrollable. It’s not just about feeling better. It’s about redesigning the way you live your life. I can’t wait for you to discover the space and freedom to experience your life the way you’ve always wanted – on your terms.

Let’s get started.

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“Let Them Theorize” by Mel Robbins

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